Changes.....

When I think about where I was when I started this blog, I'm amazed at how far I've come. I was a second year grad student, in an unhealthy marriage, and completely miserable. Since then, I've gotten divorced, met the love of my life, married him, given birth to my first child, and lost her. I can honestly say that the only thing I would change is losing Schuyler. I know that everything in my life has led me to where I am now. In spite of the heartache, I am a happier person than I was just a few years ago. I am more comfortable in my own skin. I have learned to embrace who I am and to like the person I have become. I know I have a long way to go, but I believe that's what this journey is for. I think we are here to learn as much as we can and to fulfill our potential as human beings. What comes after I am still not sure about, but I don't believe we only get one shot at this.

In light of the changes I've been through, I felt it was time the blog got an overhaul too. I've been thinking about this for a while. I think I even posted about it a long time ago. The time seems right. My goals and priorities have changed so much. I have come a long way from the self-conscious, miserable, scared girl who wanted to be an opera singer. I've realized that while I may have the voice for it, I don't have the disposition or even the desire for that kind of life. I struggle with some guilt regarding this choice, but hopefully the people who went out of their way to teach me and train me will understand. I hope I'm not letting them down. I have no doubt that I will always sing and always support the arts. It's just not my calling to be a professional singer. (Well, except that I am, because I am paid to sing. I guess it's not my calling to be a full time professional singer.)

So, the "yarn" part of my blog name is still true in that I still knit and I still have stories to tell, but I feel like this place needs to be more than that. I think my blog is becoming more of a journal, a place to record life as I know it. As part of the overhaul, I think it's time for a new title. I just don't know what that title should be. Meeting Mike changed my life. Marrying him changed it too. Life changed again a year ago when we found out I was pregnant. It changed again less than four months ago. It's going to continue to change as Mike and I continue to heal and try to add to our family again. I have no doubt that I will change too. It's so hard to define myself right now. I'm a mother, but not a parent. I'm a musician, but not a performer. I'm a lot of things and I can't narrow it down.

For now, my banner will remain blank. I hope to be able to fill in that blank sooner rather than later.