Thursday, August 12, 2010

Defying Gravity

I know, I know. It's a terrible cliche, but since I first heard the cast recording of Wicked, I strongly identified with Elphaba. Sometimes it seems that no matter how good you try to be, you can't catch a break. At some point, you have to make the conscious decision that no matter what the universe throws at you, it will not drag you down.

I remember clearly the moment that I made that decision. I was in high school. The decision that I made was that no one would hurt me again. I've learned two things since then. One is that the hurt I was feeling then was like a paper cut compared to the hurt I have experienced over the last year. The second is that people are going to hurt you and there is nothing you can do about it. What you can do is decide whether or not you're going to let them destroy you.

My 34th birthday was just a few days ago. It was a great day. I felt like I had finally turned a corner. I woke up feeling rested. Mike and I were getting along really well. I had a day full of great plans. Mike had gotten me a luxurious spa package and reservations at a lovely Italian restaurant. I also had an appointment with my OB to, hopefully, get the approval to get pregnant again. Although that conversation didn't go exactly as we had hoped, within 24 hours we got the answer we were hoping for. I am cleared to have another baby!

I have no illusions about how hard another pregnancy will be. I am a natural worrier, but I think the combination of hormones and my hard earned knowledge about how badly a perfectly normal pregnancy can end will make things that much worse. Still, I'll keep that promise I made to myself so many years ago and not allow the worry to eat me up.

I'm not pregnant yet even though my mother keeps asking. So, I think I'll post some pictures of that knitting content I keep promising. I went to Knitters Connection in Columbus, Ohio back in June. I took a spinning class with Amy Tyler and a photography class with the one and only Franklin. Both teachers were lovely. I especially learned a lot about the camera I've had for over ten years. (About time, right?) Oddly enough, I didn't actually get a lot of knitting done during that weekend. Here is some evidence that I still knit and actually do own a spinning wheel:

Margueritte

"Jewel" Colonial, second bobbin

Pi Shawl

Pi Shawl

Pomatomus

Citron

3 comments:

sloth-knits said...

Happy belated birthday, and congratulations on being cleared! We're sending our best vibes your way.

Also, the photos look lovely. What kind of spinning wheel do you have?

Tammany said...

Thanks, sloth-knits! All good vibes are greatly appreciated!

My spinning wheel is an Ashford Kiwi. Her name is Margueritte!

Laura said...

a) I'm not going to be one of those people who are going to ask you every other day whether or not your pregnant. Those people drove me nuts -- it's like they wanted me to wear a sign 'Hi there. Yes, I did have sex with my husband last night." But I will be sending good thoughts your way, and will be readying my Party Hearty Celebration dance for whenever it's needed.
b) you're a fantastic photographer. Just really gorgeous shots -- you've got a great sense of frame.
c) Margueritte is beautiful. I particularly enjoy the green.